21 December 2009

The Curse of Larry Aurie

  • 28 Feb 2009 - Andreas Lilja, concussion. Expected return date: sometime after global warming, the Myans, and R.E.M. destroy the world.
  • 09 Oct 2009 - Johan Franzen, exploded ACL. Expected return date: after Sweden wins the Olympics.
  • 29 Oct 2009 - Valterri Filppula, busted wrist. Expected return date: depends on Santa's mood. Hopefully soon.
  • 07 Nov 2009 - Jason Williams, shattered-ass leg. Expected return date: Early next year.
  • 21 Nov 2009 - Niklas Kronwall, Laraqued in the knee. Expected return date: Lade December, early January? 2015?
  • 09 Dec 2009 - Dan Cleary, shoulder-fucked. Expected return date: Bah, who knows?
  • 14 Dec 2009 - Johnathon Ericsson, "knee-bend-the-wrong-way-itis." Expected return date: Around the New Year at best.
  • 18 Dec 2009 - Henrik Zetterberg, see above. Expected return date: "At least" two weeks. Cryptic, eh?
And that's just the list of guys that have left and have not yet returned. Feel like getting frisky? Okay.
  • Darren Helm
  • Brian Rafalksi
  • Kris Draper
  • Brett Lebda
  • Brad May
  • Pavel Datsyuk
Yeah... those are the guys who have missed at least some time this season as well. The Wings are, by far, the most significantly injured team in the league. There are numerous explanations for this phenomenon. They range from simply playing too many games (the most in the league over the last three seasons) to the angry wrath of a vengeful and unappeased Bear Jesus. Reasonable? Perhaps. Correct? Not at all.

Our injuries this season, and the fact that we're coasting along at 9th in the conference, behind teams like the Stars, the Coyotes, the Kings, the Preds, and the Avalanche... all attributable to one man.

#6. Larry. Motherfuckin. Aurie.

He was a Cougar, he was a Falcon, he was a Red Wing. All without changing teams. In 1927, Jack Adams called upon Mr. Aurie to join the fledgling club.
  • 1932 - he became the captain in the same year that the team was first called the Red Wings.
  • 1934 - Stanley Cup finals appearance against the Blackhawks with Aurie as captain. Because the Hawks had a goalie not named Huet, they won.
  • 1936 - Well, just look at the first number up under the banner. Lord Stanley's Chalice made its way home for the first time.
  • 1937 - After leading the league in goal scoring, and being named to the NHL First All Star team, the Wings won their second cup (admittedly without #6... out with a busted ankle).
  • 1938 - Injury forces his and. He walks away. Kind of.
  • 1939 - Aurie plays in one game, scores a goal. Game winner, no less.
James Norris retired #6 shortly thereafter. No Wing not related to Aurie has ever donned his #6 since he left the ice. Much like Sawchuck, Lindsey, Howe, Delvecchio, Abel, and Yzerman, his number has been kept out of circulation by the organ-i-zation.

Does anyone else remember the Sesame Street bit where they play "Which one of these is not like the other?" Well, friends, shout it out if you know the answer: 1, 6, 7, 9, 10, 12, 17, 19.

That's right, number 6 does not hang from the rafters at the Joe. As I'm sure many of you are aware, the Illitches have refused to hang #6, going so far as to have it removed as a retired number from the official record books. There have been various explanations, but none make much sense. Personally, I think Aurie probably banged Mr. I's grandma. Makes about as much sense as anything else.

Aurie played his last game in 1929. 70 years ago. That seems like a nice round number. Enough to make it absolutely clear in my mind... Aurie's cursed us. Obviously a patient man, Aurie waited 70 years, but everyone's got a breaking point. At some point, enough is enough. Clearly, after seven decades, Larry has dropped the hammer.

So "Please, Please" (ha, pizza jokes) Mr. I, I'm sure you're an avid reader of the Winged Wheel. Lift #6 post haste. Tomorrow seems as good a day as any. Just look at how great it would look, via this extremely complicated computer simulation:

Raise it high, Mr. I. There are too many valuable assets out there left to be severely injured. Hustle.


  1. I just want to say that this blog is a serious find, I don't know how I've missed it before. Keep up the good work you too and it is good to know that other law students are dumb enough to forego studying by wasting time on the internets.

    Which law school do you go to?

    Chris (The from NOHS who only posts like one out of every ten articles on that site)

  2. J-Rock: Horray racism. Droppin a hard J there.

    Chris: Glad you approve. Dig on what you guys do over there at NOHS. I'm going to Loyola Chicago for now. I saw for now because there is a high probability that I'll just drop out and go sell rotten fruit on the side of the highway. Hell, with the market, I'm sure it'll work out that way anyway.

    How about you?