10 January 2010

I'm Awesome at Being Wrong

Seriously, it's a skill. This year, I'm not sure I've made a single correct prediction. In fact, it seems that every time I boldly state something, the Wings go out and make an idiot out of me. I said Bertuzzi was a waste - dude started scoring. I said Howard would never be an NHL goaltender - the kid is currently one of the best in the league. I declared the year of Larry Aurie's curse to be over - Homer goes down pretty much the next day.

The other day, I took some shots at Pasha. I aimed my wrong-cannon right at #13 and fired without discretion. Hell, I went so far as to compare the kid to Mitch Albom. It was tough. It wasn't easy for me to do. Some even mistook my aggression as some sort of hatred for Dr. Dangle. Let me assure you, I've got nothing but love for the guy. In fact, my frustration stemmed from the fact that he was not living up to my astronomically high expectations. I figured that perhaps a bit of berating might do him some good - motivate him a bit.

Well now I'm stuck.

See, I'm not a big fan of heaving stones at Red Wings not named Lebda. And after a great game against the Sharks, I think Pavs may have just earned himself a bit of amnesty.

On the other hand...

In the extremely likely scenario that Pavel reads The Winged Wheel before every single game by having google translate it into that communist gobbedly-gook the Russians call a language, perhaps my public berating of the young man worked. I can envision him driving the net yelling "THIS IS FOR MY MOTHER'S BORSCHT!!" right before he lit the lamp. Maybe every time he took the puck away from an opponent he was muttering "Mitch Albom my ass..." under his breath. Perhaps every time he passed the puck he was thinking "Dr. Rahmani is one of the most respected ophthalmologists in the industry... that guy's full of shit."

So what do I do now? Do I dare call off the barrage and risk Pasha slumping back into being less than the amazing superstar we all know he is? Or do I keep firing at will and risk sending him into a deep, dark depression that would surely swallow even the strongest of men? What to do, what to do...

I suppose I'll try out a compromise. From here out, I'll try to attack one players on the team the Wings face off against on game-day. This way, any damage to said player's eternal soul will not fall on a Wing, and Pasha will keep scoring because he'll know... as soon as he stops that wrath will be turned again to him.

And lets face it... I'm not sure he can handle it. I mean, who could?

1 comment:

  1. Point your wrong cannon at Todd Bertuzzi and smite him with it.

    if i may add a stanza

    "Dear Todd. Quit playing like an 84 year old woman, make your 6'3 230lb body noticed. Stop standing around while your teammates fight for the puck in the boards, muck it up, hit people, you cant really lose any more teeth, and you ain't winning any beauty contests so quit worrying about playing pretty.

    also you have two of the best setup men in the NHL step up and put the biscuit in the basket. you apparently don't have the hands that you had with Markus Naslund on your wing, nor do you have any speed, or presence on the ice. not to mention that you are always at the wrong place at the wrong time, defensively and offensively."

    Please do this, because i really want you to get a multi year contract and be the next natural goal scorer for this team cause i want so badly to buy a Bertuzzi Jersey