28 December 2010

Appropriate: Congrats to the Wizard

You know what's pretty awesome?

  • Team leaders coming to the coach, asking for their veteran 3-ring goaltender to get a shot at his 400th win in front of a home crowd.

You know whats even more awesome?

  • Even after a disappointment in front of the aforementioned home crowd, the aforementioned veteran 3-ring future-hall-of-famer (yes he motherfucking is, damnit!!) getting that 400th win against the Colorado Avalanche.
Seriously. Other than the Joe, the Av's home ice is the best damn place for this little bit of Red Wings history to be cemented. Some of the best hockey the Great and Powerful Wizard of Oz has ever been a part of occurred against that team, on that ice. Where better for Ozzie to again show the world that he's a gamer?

From what I understand, Ozzie stood on his head and earned that win for the team. I say it this way because I was in a position where I wasn't able to actually watch the game. Again, completely fitting. I got to listen to the glory on a scratchy radio, with the soothing sounds of Ken Kal shouting out the action occurring on the ice. Just like old days, where because of the late starts against the Quebec Nordique's II: The Reckoning, I was relegated to listening to the ends of games in my room while I was supposed to be asleep. Hearing Ozzie's 400th (hall of fame) cemented in the same way I took in many of those wins back in the days of The Rivalry seemed all too fitting.

Now, this is one heck of an accomplishment. Oz is only the 10th goaltender of all time to reach the 400 win mark (hall of fame). Though, we should be careful not to get too carried away here. It was kind of a struggle for the Wizard to finally reach the historic mark (hall of fame). We can't allow this accomplishment, as amazing as it is (hall of fame), to somehow make us go overboard and read more into it than what it is. In other words, we need to be reasonable.

Ha. Logic and reason. That's funny.

Presenting...

The Winged Wheel's List of Shit that 400 Means for The Wizard
  • A guaranteed first-ballot spot in the Hockey Hall of Fame as well an entire wing dedicated to his legend;
  • A new NHL rule that forces all incoming goaltenders to get full-scale tattoos of Ozzie's face on their inner thighs;
  • A final agreement between all the world-religions about the meaning of life and what specific rituals please the omnipotent;
  • Energized by the good vibes, Jiri "zap his dick" Hudler turns things around and finds a way to end up with 145 points by the end of game 82 (ha, comedy is fun);
  • Rain clouds cease to precipitate dihydrogen oxide and start pouring Pepsi. All the world's crops die and the the four horsemen of the apocalypse appear on the horizon, but I'll be damned if Chris Osgood isn't seen dancing in the streets and drinking from gutters on a daily basis;
  • Gary Bettman turns to a pillar of salt;
  • How do you feel about "President Chris Osgood"? Doesn't matter. It's happening. Constitutional citizenship requirements be damned;
  • Trolls and pens fans that use that super-original term "Wasgood"will be shot in the brain by federal marshalls;
  • Did I mention the Hockey Hall of Fame yet?
Ozzie, good on ya. You deserve it. Good news for the Wings too, as so far this season, Ozzie's had more good starts than he's had lousy ones. Keep it up Oz, 4 more to make Grant Fuhr your eternal bitch.

And for the haters? 

Atta boy, Oz. Now lets add another ring to that finger. Next stop, #12.

3 comments:

  1. I see you have that "Wizard of Oz" wearing 3 rings, when in reality he only was in net for two of them.

    He is the Wizard of Oz and just like the Wizard of Oz, you take away the curtain and you see the kind of goalie he really is.

    You put a less than stellar defense in front of the guy and you see his true colors. (He sucks)

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  2. I am absurd. In this day and age I think that is one of the best compliments one can be given, and I thank you for it. Indie?

    Don't read too much into my posts...my only real political belief is Dischordianism...the rest I just do for fun...fooling myself into thinking it matters lol. At heart I'm just a good old fashioned laugher.

    If you were an alien from an intelligent peaceful race, and you were checking out Earth you would laugh. So would I. How absurd this place is when you inspect it objectively...but then, we've always known that.

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  3. Anonymous... if that even is your REAL NAME...

    How did you ever find time to comment on a blog? I would have assumed you'd have been far too busy with all your responsibilities as chair of the MENSA party planning committee.

    Ozzie's got 3 rings, period. And yeah, he was only the starter for two, but that doesn't take away from his accomplishments. Some fans are far too quick to forget his playoff dominance. Or the fact that he's been an outstanding netminder for us for next to friggin nothing. You want Luongo's empty trophy case to come to Detroit? Or Miller's ringless fingers? Fine, but you'll have to pay them the 6mil+ that they'll demand. That means say goodbye to Dats, Z, Mule, Lids, or Raffi.

    And I know, it's tough to really get behind the guy because he's never proven himself because of the stellar defense in front of him year in and year out. If only there were a few seasons where he continued to rack up wins without that awesome D...

    OH WAIT! I remember now. I'm not a Hawks fan so I've watched more than one fucking season of hockey. Winning seasons with the Blues AND the Islanders. Taking both of those joke garbage teams to the playoffs.

    Not to mention, you're commenting on how much Osgood sucks in a post talking about how he has the 10th most wins of any goaltender in NHL history. That shit doesn't happen by luck.

    In short: Ozzie's a damn fine goaltender and deserves every accolade he receives and for all the shitbirds like you to have their Achilles' tendon sliced with a dull butter knife. Oh, and you're a fucking moron.

    That is all.

    ReplyDelete