Getting Happy: The Jiri Hudler Motivational Song

First... Captain Friggin' Norris just landed us some Curly Fries. That was a cherry on top of the fuck-yeah sundae that we used to cleanse our pallet after that shit-sandwich against LA. Also, Bacon. Mmmm... bacon.

But I digress.

Jiri Hudler's struggle this year has been well documented. Team worst -8, whopping 6 points in 25 games, playing like a floating piece of shit, yadda, yadda, yadda.

Well a couple of weeks ago, I gave some suggestions about how we could get Happy rolling. So far, it doesn't appear that the Wings front office has taken my advice, and not so coincidentally, Happy still isn't lighting the lamp. Sure, he's looked much better since CURLY FRIES WERE VICTORIOUS!! But still, if we want #12 we've got to rely on our depth scoring. Happy needs to be a big part of that equation. As such, we've got to do everything we can to get him back on his game.

Well... don't ever say I'm not doing my part.



Of course I wrote a song. Why the hell not? Everyone knows that the best way to cure a snake-bitten sniper is through the power of song. And poorly sung out of tune song, no less!

Here's the lyrics, if you're so interested:

Getting Happy: The Jiri Hudler Motivational Song

There are those that call him Happy

But he only makes us sad

Left all his talent in Russia

Now he's basically Brett Lebda bad

Babcock thought he'd score 70

But it's looking more like 6

Happy Hudler, oh what to do with you

We're getting desperate for a fix

The coaches have tried it all

Even scratching you name

What the hall are we going to do

To get the skill back in your game

Well..

We could zap him in the dick with a taser

Shoot him with a lazer

Not the kind used by Rahmani

Kick him in the balls

Slam his head against a wall

Mutilate his body

Tie him to a chair, feed him to a bear, leave him there without a prayer while everybody stares

Or promise him stores full of whores when he scores

Or just zap him in the dick

Now you may question these procedures

You may find them a little cruel

You might say why not try something else

Like pairing him with Dats or Mule

But maybe just what young Happy needs

To get back to being our favorite son

Is the constant threat of Paul MacLean

On the bench with a taser gun

So why no, lets give it a chance

You know it just might work

We'll zap some sense back into Jiri Hudler

So he'll stop being such a little fucking jerk

Chorus

You might think I'm being way too harsh

Might say I should tone it down

Well have just one thing to say to you

...

[insert absurd rant here]

Chorus

Update: Download the MP3 version here.

Here's hoping that this little ditty gets Happy back on that horse.

Oh, and I'll take my Grammy by mail, thank you. My life is clearly way too busy to be bothered to attend some ceremony.