Winged Wheel Songs

Getting Happy: The Jiri Hudler Motivational Song




Lyrics:

There are those that call him Happy
But he only makes us sad
Left all his talent in Russia
Now he's basically Brett Lebda bad

Babcock thought he'd score 70
But it's looking more like 6
Happy Hudler, oh what to do with you
We're getting desperate for a fix

The coaches have tried it all
Even scratching you name
What the hall are we going to do
To get the skill back in your game

Well..

We could zap him in the dick with a taser
Shoot him with a lazer
Not the kind used by Rahmani

Kick him in the balls
Slam his head against a wall
Mutilate his body

Tie him to a chair, feed him to a bear, leave him there without a prayer while everybody stares
Or promise him stores full of whores when he scores

Or just zap him in the dick

Now you may question these procedures
You may find them a little cruel
You might say why not try something else
Like pairing him with Dats or Mule

But maybe just what young Happy needs
To get back to being our favorite son
Is the constant threat of Paul MacLean
On the bench with a taser gun

So why no, lets give it a chance
You know it just might work
We'll zap some sense back into Jiri Hudler
So he'll stop being such a little fucking jerk

Chorus

You might think I'm being way too harsh
Might say I should tone it down
Well have just one thing to say to you
...
[insert absurd rant here]

Chorus



I'll Let Them Fly: The Octopus Protest Song



Lyrics:

At First I was Afraid, I was Petrified
Didn't know what I would do without the Octopi
But that I got real mad, thinking about your many wrongs
So I sat down, and I wrote this protest song

It started way back, in '52
A Hockeytown tradition, like that'd mean anything to you
We've hurled them on the ice, for such a long time
Now suddenly you say that we're subject to a fine?

Or even jail? How absurd
We're not going to take this you greasy little turd
We're from Detroit, yeah, We're from Hockeytown
What? Did you think that we'd just take this sitting down?

Oh no, Not I!
I'll let them fly!
As long as the Wings skate, I'll throw the Octopi
Go ahead and lock me up, or give me a fine
I'll let them fly! Let them fly!

When the Wings score, they'll come in waves
Same when Karen Newman sings "the home of the brave"
The Octopi will come, whether on the road or home
At the Joe, United Center, Jobing, or the Saddledome

It's just like when you said
Al Sobotka could no longer twirl them around his head
But despite your stupid rule, Al kept on swinging
Just like despite your lockout, the Wings kept on winning

So Hockeytown, get out of your chairs
All throughout the playoffs throw cephalopods through the air
Nevermind little Gary, and his stupid little league
It's out tradition, damnit, don't allow it to be under siege

Oh no, Not I!
I'll let them fly!
As long as the Wings skate, I'll throw the Octopi
Go ahead and lock me up, or give me a fine
I'll let them fly! Let them fly!

Oh no, Not I!
I'll let them fly!
As long as the Wings skate, I'll throw the Octopi
Go ahead and lock me up, or give me a fine
I'll let them fly! Let them fly!



Puck You: A Song for the Commissioner



Lyrics:

You've been driving down the fun in the sport I love, and I'm like
Puck You.
I guess three early Pens first rounders just wasn't enough, and I'm like
Puck you, and Puck them too.
You keep messing with hockey, you little lawn jockey
Go eat some shit
So in my tin foil hat, I'll just leave it at that, with a
Puck you.

Well I guess you, don't know what a mess you
Have made of this friggin game.
Need someone to feed you, someone to dress you,
Even someone to help spell your name.
'Cuz you're so stoo-ooo-pid man I can't believe you
Are still getting paychecks.
Wish your dad practiced safe sex.
Ooo-ooo-oooh, just wanna be rid of you.
You can run and tell your boyfriend.


You've been driving down the fun in the sport I love, and I'm like
Puck You.
I guess seven southern teams just wasn't enough, and I'm like
Puck you, and Puck them too.
You keep messing with hockey, you little lawn jockey
Go eat some shit
So in my tin foil hat, I'll just leave it at that, with a
Puck you.

Now I know ya, had to borrow,
Beg and steal and lie and cheat.
To keep the C'yotes, in Arizona,
A place where water doesn't even freeze.
What kind of foo-oo-ool does stupid shit like you,
Get 'em out of the desert.
Make it seven, it can't hurt.
Ooo-ooo-oooh, I got some news for you
Literally everyone hates your ass right now.

You've been driving down the fun in the sport I love, and I'm like
Puck You.
I guess a bunch of bankrupt teams just wasn't enough, and I'm like
Puck you, and Puck them too.
You keep messing with hockey, you little lawn jockey
Go eat some shit
So in my tin foil hat, I'll just leave it at that, with a
Puck you.

Now Gary, Gary, Gary, Gary why you wanna hurt me so bad
What we ever do to deserve you making us so sad.
So we say (Insert well justified booing here)
Puck you!

You've been driving down the fun in the sport I love, and I'm like
Puck You.
I guess only one lockout just wasn't enough, and I'm like
Puck you, and Puck that too.
You keep messing with hockey, you little lawn jockey
Go eat some shit
So in my tin foil hat, I'll just leave it at that, with a
Puck you.