03 March 2010

The 2010 Trade Deadline: Otherwise Referred to as Vesa Toskala Hot-Potato

Well that was anti-climactic.

30 Trades overall. Zero of them very interesting. For a full list of trades, check out TSN's Tradecent[er] (Page title edited, converted from metric).

Overall, the biggest changes came for the Caps and Team Bettman. Washington added Walker, Belanger, and Corvo to their ranks without loosing much. The Hamilton Coyotes swapped Mueller for Wolski and picked up Morris, Picard, and our old friend Matthieu Schneider. 

Whoopee, indeed.

As for the Wings, the deadline featured only a minor swap that, Bear-Jesus willing, will only affect the Griffins. Remember Kris Newberry? No? I don't blame you. He was that guy that managed to get two penalties and a goal in a matter of three minutes earlier this season at the peak of Larry Aurie's march to the sea (ha, Civil War jokes). Well, Newberry no longer has anything to do with us as we've traded him for Jordan Owens.

You mean you haven't heard of Jordan Owens? Where the hell have you been?

Yeah, not that exciting. Most seem to agree that he'll simply spend time with the Griffins, and we wont be seeing him in a Winged Wheel anytime too soon.  So it turns out the Wings really weren't big movers and shakers this time 'round. Kenny had said as much going into it, and he made good on his word. I have to admit though, I really had my hopes up that Brett "it would be totally worth it to sneak a shovel into the locker room to beat you with" Lebda would have a new team as of tonight. You know you want a player to go when you get excited at the prospect of trading him for someone even the Toronto Maple Leafs didn't think was good.

It should be mentioned, though, that Deadline Day wasn't all bad. First, it was amusing to watch teams toss Vesa Toskala around like a live grenade about to go off at any second. Second, the fellas over at The Production Line made the day rather exciting with an epic live blog featuring numerous inappropriate references and lots of embarrassingly suppressed laughter, as most of us were blowing off something important. I for one literally made the inside of my mouth bleed to keep from laughing too loud in the middle of a thrilling class. A hearty "Thanks, Bitches" to Petrella, Hollis, and Discher for making an otherwise miserably boring deadline day offensive, inappropriate, and hillarious. If you want to check out the shenanigans, all of the immaturity is preserved in perpetuity here. On second thought... never mind.

One truly great thing came from the chat. In discussing actresses who we found appealing as adolescents, the great Winnie Cooper from the Wonder Years came to light. For obvious reasons detailed below, I'd like to introduce what I plan on being a new feature here at the Winged Wheel. In the spirit our sincere attempts to become the most blasphemous blog on the internet (eat that, scientology.org) I'd like to add a new entity to which us fans may direct our sincere petitions for relief. Introducing Our Lady of Wonder: Winnie Cooper
 
It is to Our Lady of Wonder that I direct our benediction for tonight's game:
[Cue intro to Joe Cocker's version of "Little Help from my Friends"] Hail Winnie, full of, um, talent; Bear Jesus is with thee. Please lead our team to glory tonight against the Canucks. See if you can possibly ensure that Roberto Luongo is still massively hungover from the Olympics. Protect our Wings against any harm that may befall them, except of course for Brett Lebda. You can tell Larry Aurie to have his way with him. We ask this in the name of Bear Jesus, the Liquor Christ, and The Captain, Amen.
 We're in the 8 spot. Let's keep it. Game on.

2 comments:

  1. best post ever. Red Wings and something to fap to all in the same place? sign me up.

    and for the once per post "Greg hates Nick for his opinion because Greg thinks Nick is stupid" moment:

    I like Vesa Toskala.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Glad to have you. We have to make it semi-regular, I'm thinking....

    My rebuttal, also mentioned today -- Danielle Harris:

    http://static.reelmovienews.com/images/gallery/danielle-harris-photo.png

    ReplyDelete